Holy smokes. Surely you jest! etc.. For work, though, it is perfect. And there does seem to be a fair amount of misbehavior discussed, but I have never seen any of it. Eh, sex work is legitimate work. Then they can work together to find a way to work with his fears, like maybe she checks in with him a few times a day at certain times. And I asked to go but thats out of the question. I use the word unstable because Im not diagnosing him with anything, but referring to what he is doing. He needs to get help and you need to do whats best for you and your career (and your sanity!). I cant imagine getting upset because he went on a business trip. I went for the first time over the summer. Both of us are fairly standard issue normative American. OPs husband doesnt seem like he would have mentioned it if it didnt support his own opinion. It will also be a lot easier with a hotel stop overnight; we did not do this, but it still wasn't difficult. If anything those are probably among the safer places in the country. THIS.
My ex boyfriend is telling lies about me to my family, especially to my Maybe this is anxiety and maybe it isnt not every illogical or inappropriate behavior is mental illness but mental illness is never an excuse to be controlling or abusive. Weve been a few times on holiday and love it the shopping, the food we dont even bother with the gambling. We are driving 18 hours to get to my family reunion with our 2 year old and 3 month old (at the time). OP, I really hesitate to use the word abuse when it comes to anyone elses relationship, but this post is giving me bad flash backs to a boyfriend who did this kind of thing to me all the time and I now know that it was psychological, emotional abuse and manipulation. I thought it was supposed to be would NEVER let their significant others go. Its the kind of autocorrect my phone makes; even/never. Can you believe it? But because a good counselor will see that there is no point and dismiss the couple. My wife has these same kinds of fears during my daily commute, let alone when I travel for business. But it was a pain in the ass to get there, I felt super unsafe walking around at night (as in, someone else from the conference actually got muggedthere were few street lights and the streets were deserted after dark), and the food sucked. Later I saw an art exhibit. Frankly, what worked for me was meeting the team my wife was working with. I was going to say this, the touristy areas and especially the casinos are crawling with security and cameras. It has beautiful trails just minutes outside the city. Sin City. We're glad we did it to see it's totally do-able. I find her a little insane in terms of worrying. When an argument starts stop trying to persuade him or defend yourself. I do know that the way he is handling his concerns is controlling, right down to gaslighting you by saying everyone agrees with him. This reminds me of when I studied abroad in London and my mom warned me about people like Jack the Ripper. I want to push back, snark, in case anyone else reading sees your comment and decides that couples isnt a good course of action because the issue is with one person in the couple. Also, sometimes its exhausting to argue with an anxiety sufferer and you end up agreeing to get out of the discussion. Sometimes its easier to understand from the outside by hearing other stories about how irrational thoughts can impact our lives. No, youre absolutely right. Unsurprisingly, this is a hard concept for controlling people to grasp; What do you mean, one person can unilaterally end a relationship with no input from the other person? Lets just say that the memo made it clear that there WAS going to be a LOT of partying of all sorts. I mean sure its possible hes found someone that shares his view, but I think its mostly him just hearing what he wants to hear. Not a single word uttered). Ive been to Vegas. I knew a woman who was very sincerely pious and churchgoing and lived her Christian values. I cordially dislike Vegas. It feels as if the OPs husband is just latching onto the location as an excuse. Theres a weird dichotomy with that place. Something I would like you to keep in the back of your mind: I dont know whether your husband has anxiety or not, I dont know whether he is controlling or not. In addition to bolstering his position in our argument it had the nice (for him) side effect of alienating me from all of my friends who I believed were talking crap about me behind my back. Id also check out books such as When Panic Attacks and How to Stop Worrying and Start Living Life. When I go Im all about getting to as many different and awesome restaurants as humanly possible, and sitting by a pool with a book, when some of my friends go its about the nightlife, when my husband goes its about the sportsbook (this was my long way of saying that I agree with you). I suppose OP knows her own husband best, theres a chance inviting him along would be an offer of Good Faith to show that theres really nothing all that bad about Sin City. For work. You should go to counseling, alone and together if hell go with you, because I cant tell if hes super anxious, or just super controlling. Forbidding is a different story). If this were my husband, Id point out that Im statistically more likely to be murdered by him than by a stranger, therefore its probably safer to be in Vegas than at home. Perhaps this is exhibiting itself in more ways than just this instance, and if so, its especially something youll want to address head on and as a team. Sometimes walking away is the only thing you can do. We respect everyones right to express their thoughts and opinions as long as they remain respectful of other community members, and meet What to Expects Terms of Use. Just that it might be (MIGHT) an explanation. I would not be surprised if those are who his friends are. It does sound like some type of anxiety as these worries are extreme. These are normal things that a lot of people encounter at some point; if your relationship as it currently stands doesnt have room to address them, its past time to get some help to straighten it out. I dont gamble much. He thought I should take his moms feelings into consideration and realize that I wasnt just hurting him, but his family as well, and reconsider. He even did it the one time I was staying *in a convent*. Vegas flights and hotels are cheap compared to anywhere else with their size convention/conference space. There were plenty of women there without their husbands. Its just worth knowing that having a long list of good traits doesnt mean you arent in a problematic relationship, or that you cant choose nope for your own emotional health. But no gambling! While that is a choice that some people wouldnt want to make, an annual business trip is very common. I dont think people are misreading; I think that the phrasing is confusing but that context indicates its meaning. Scheduled calls are a great idea. My wife is suffering from both major depression and anxiety, and she has her individual sessions to work on her mental health issue and were in marriage counseling to work on ourselves as a couple. So this is a relationship question, as Allison and others have said. My spouse travels for work all the time. In a healthy marriage, there is no spouse v. spouse, and theres room for career, hobbies, friends, etc. So were you on the east or west side of the Hellmouth? Much better is Lundy Bancrofts Why does he do that?. of my colleagues are and having the convention somewhere like Las Vegas brings in more talent from around the world. Ive been to Vegas a couple of times and saw a ton of business conferences and expos going on. Or I can save you the time and point out that I characterized him as jealous and controlling, and never used the word yall seem determined to stick in my mouth. ALSO, there is nothing inherently unwholesome about prostitution OR gambling. He could also stand some counselling, Im sure, but you need his buy-in for that. Especially as she is the primary breadwinner, shes got to be allowed to do her jobeven if it means travelling to Vegas. It can feel very cruel to set boundaries and do what you need to do for yourself when it feels like your partner is suffering, but the accommodations are just very temporary band-aids. I always laugh about when I lived in the Bay Area and my mom would freak out anytime I mentioned doing something in Oaklandshe really could not understand how the city could possibly be different than the way it is portrayed in the media, and assumed I was walking into some drug/murder den on a frequent basis. You won't have to look over, sideways, and under to find out when new Magic Key sales will be open again. Even if it is a general anxiety issue, speaking as someone with plenty of personal experience with that, theres still a relationship issue here. But, sometimes there are letters that just make me want to scream. And the entertainment options are essentially endless. On every occasion, he made rules like I could never go anywhere alone and I had to call him at a specific time every day. I think. There is plenty to do in Las Vegas that has nothing to do with sin and can be done in any big city (restaurants, shopping, going to theater, etc.). Period. OP this is the kind of thing Id bring up in therapy what you will do and what you will NOT do. He does worry about my safety. 6. The difference is it wasnt that he didnt trust ME, or that he was worried about me getting drawn into some sinful situation. Statistically, the most dangerous part of this trip is the car drive to the airport. Vegas does business trips right. Hmm. (Somehow I did survive!). There is so much good food in Vegas, I love it there. If I squint really hard, I can kiiiinda see the objection to the first scenario (though still not really), but objecting to the second is very weird. This happens to me at the worst times, like when Im walking home in the evening or when Im doing chores alone around the house I get this feeling like im starting in the opening sequence of whatever creepy procedural I was watching. You cannot have a rational discussion with someone who is in an irrational state. Agree that you should go to counseling by yourself if he wont go. Its hot and windy and dry and sand gets every where. You just have to stop a lot--especially if you EBF. Im glad you left that loser. Sure, but then the question would be my boss wants me to go on a business trip but I have a new baby/my spouses parent is seriously ill/my house just flooded and I need to deal with insurance/whatever, how should I ask my boss if I can get out of it. Speak to him about how he feels if you were to invite people over. He is not being reasonable or rational, so dont even try to engage with him as if he is. I wanted to get tickets for a show, but it was sold out. There are so many things that could be gong on here. I think its fine for different people to have different types of relationships. FYI: I mean crazy in a flippant sense not as an insult to any mental health issue. I dont worry about it because why would i? Im going to disagree with your last sentence. Im not even sure how I would react to that. And the shopping! But thats true everywhere, and you can easily avoid said trouble by, you know, not doing something stupid. This is very aptly put Anonymous Poster. Usluge graevinskih radova niskogradnje. Your brain chemistry & brain function is literally abnormal, for a start. Prostitution is NOT legal in Las Vegas. Even emphasizing the point, like even they said theyd let their spouses go to Las Vegas. (Pretty sure the best meal Ive had in my life was at a Vegas buffet there was bone marrow covered in like fig sauce and the second or third best was at one of the steakhouses). Maybe its the way he framed it to his friends, or maybe he wasnt being completely honest about that. You are married to someone who spent three days while you were traveling for work burdening you withgroundless questions about your conduct. OP, I agree with the advice you dont have to choose between your marriage and your job if you dont want to. I dont think its all that misogynistic cheating isnt the only thing hes worried about. People understand the environment and are very vigilant about what is going on. Me: I dunno, man, that seems pretty significant to me. If yes, how does he handle those trips? Its not some ridiculous naked sex drug party.. They did indeed get married, and unsurprisingly, it ended in spectacularly bad fashion. When she would call back, he would accuse her of having left the office to sleep with someone else. But, at least in that case, she was 100% aware of the power dynamics she signed up for in entering the marriage, unlike our OP. I got a sense of that with first part of the letter, but then the follow-up indicated he said his pals would not LET their spouses/sig others go well, thats a pretty bright red flag there. By letting him chaperone her once I worry that now hell believe this is reasonable and that he should chaperone all future work travel then all interactions with male colleagues, in public, etc. And have been wanting to take the Grand Canyon tour. Its fine. One of my biggest gripes about Vegas is that most of the hotels wont allow food delivery carriers to deliver to your room. Your husband seems to think he has a say in whether he lets you go. Be very very wary of ever harming your career or earning potential because of the desires of another person. Its actually better that way now for example, its now possible to eat a meal without hearing about keno. The good part is that I was able to figure out why I had that reaction, which (mostly) made it go away. But he is controlling. It could be an extreme level of anxiety manifesting as control (I cant measure up/if you go away somewhere glamorous youll realize I suck), especially if hes not otherwise doing anything questionable. ), but yes, getting reinforcement on the anxiety (in this case from the friends the husband surveyed) can definitely make things worse. Sure there used to be a lot of strip joints, etc., but now the most naked people are in the Cirque shows, and they just look naked. This is NOT putting a judgement on those activities, but all of them can and do carry a pretty significant risk load (money spent, possible diseases, lost time, etc) and thats why in general, society rates them as vices. Next time, instead ofgoing ontrips together, try eating out orgoing for apicnic. Lets not give credibility to LWs spouse by arguing the matter of whether its really dangerous, or whether he has reasons to believe she will have an affair. Go on the business trip, set and hold firm limits with him (i.e., if you want to call him at 9 each night, great, but thats it. Plus those casinos take forever to walk across and they are saturated in smoke, blech! It means the relationship ran its course and isnt bringing the two of you what you need any more, and thats sad, but its also not unusual. However, I have to stay in London for a couple of days next week, and he encouraged me to go he said he needs to learn to be more independent and self-reliant. People are able to manipulate their therapists, and there are also just plain bad therapists: what if the OPs husband is in therapy already with, for example, a religious provider who reinforces his moralistic fears about Vegas? This was pre cell phone so it meant finding payphones. Yup, agreed. OP, only you can make the choice about whether this marriage is worth staying in. OPs husbands response is way out of line for a normal response. Your husband has insane insecurity issues. Is she free to travel then? We are the City That Never Sleeps, remember? For example, phone #: 123-333-4567. I wouldnt be surprised if he straight-up made that up in order to lend credence to his argument. But I come from a history of super-controlling domestic abuse situations, so Ive seen this behavior more times than Id care to admit. Just stayed at a swanky suite in the Venetian with a view of the strip for $140/night. Look at it again. I havent missed a day other than scheduled vacation. If his problem is that his marriage doesnt look the way a marriage is supposed to look (and lets get real here we absolutely do NOT have enough information to be as sure as you are) then a good marriage counselor can help him to readjust his notions. I do think its a leap to assume the husbands anxiety is the kind you get in GAD, but basically the comments are full of armchair diagnoses and I was exasperated. arent at all limited to Vegas. I think that it is much more scary to be hurt by someone you know, so people are more likely to believe in the bogeyman dark alley scenario. I think whatever LV *was* once, its not anymore. Right. One thing I will mention about Vegas is that yes, like anywhere else, things can happen in regards to safety, but that city is so patrolled. You have a good day and thank you. We get to decide what level of irrationality we are willing to handle in a relationship and if its based in fear and being used to limit who you want to be, that just doesnt work.